Hope is NEVER Lost

   Recently, hubby and I went to a children's party. I didn't want to go since I was tired from work but because they are our good friends, we went to celebrate with them. When I was in the party, I can't help to not feel sad and envious of my friends who are pregnant. Nevertheless, I am so grateful that my husband was with me and comforted me while I was feeling sad. He said that one day we will have our own children.
   When we go back to the Philippines, my priority is to go to graduate school to do my Master's in Human Development. I've always believed that my strength is Developmental Psychology. I have the best school in mind which is De Lasalle University-Manila. I saw their program and their classes and I am really interested at it. I was searching for my friends who have went there for graduate school and saw that one of my friends way back in St. Scholastica's College applied for graduate school in DLSU. I asked her the subjects I need to review in order to pass the exam. She didn't hesitate to answer my questions and for that I am grateful.
   That friend of mine has two beautiful children and so the topic of me having children came up. She asked me if I have plans to get pregnant. I said in God's time we will have our own. She said some comforting words that I was really glad to hear. I felt prompted to share to her why I don't have children and its because I have PCOS and I don't ovulate. She then answered that she has PCOS too and thought that she won't have children but she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She told me to always have in the Lord and that in His time we will have our own.
   I am grateful for friends like her who gives me strength and hope during these hard time of my life. I love being surrounded by people whose hope is never lost.

Make Things Happen!

   This is it everyone! ITS TIME TO SNAP OUT OF THE OLD ME!!! For weeks now, I have been crying and crying and crying over my health problems when the fact is I can do something about it. Right Now! I love researching about PCOS in google and I love reading success stories and I know that someday I will also write mine.
   I believe that one day I will be a mom and that is why I will do anything to achieve this goal. Rap and I are partners in this challenge. Before I use to call it trial and problem, now, I will call it my challenge and test. I know that the Lord do not give us challenges that we cannot overcome. Today is a new day and I bet tomorrow will be brighter.
   I was in Youtube the other and found a video series about 90 days freedom from PCOS by Katie Humphrey. She talks about how she naturally reversed her PCOS through her hardwork. I love how she is passionate and motivated in helping others. I know I can do it. I know that God will help me. While watching this amazing woman and her video series, I will start by eating clean and exercising.
   There is hope! Hope is never lost! Rap will join me on exercising. So, stay tuned for more details. If ever you're wondering if I will use medications, we have decided to just enjoy the journey first and save up so we can use other options. For now, we will first do everything that we can in order to reverse my symptoms naturally by exercising and eating clean. Happy Sunday Everyone!

My Challenge For You This Week: Find an opportunity to increase your hope! Watch and Read motivational stories.

Photo Taken from Google

 

It's One of Those Days...

    Sometimes I wish that just for a whole week I forget that I have this Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Today, I found out that one of our ward members who have been patiently waiting to bear a child is pregnant. On the other hand, my visiting teacher just had her baby. Do not get me wrong...I am happy for them with all my heart. I just cannot help but think, "When will it be my turn?"
    Rap has been always my support system. He always have this bright hope inside of him that one day we will also have children. When I was working earlier, I read the talk that my mom encouraged me to read. The talk was given by Elder Robert D. Hales and it is entitled "Waiting Upon the Lord".
    Elder Hales said that in the scriptures the word "wait" means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. I am a very impatient person and I am not very good at waiting. I am a pessimistic person who always expects the worst possible scenario. I do not want to hope because I am scared that I will just be disappointed. However, this talk given by Elder Robert D. Hales have taught me that the challenges and trials that we are experiencing are tests of our faith and for us to grow in the gospel of Jesus Christ. He said that most of the times we will never understand our challenges but we should always remember to wait upon the Lord and to trust in His love and merits.
   There are so many times that I sincerely asked the Lord to answer my prayers but I do not seem to feel like He hears it and answers it. However, this is what Elder Hales have taught me:

"We may not know when or how the Lord’s answers will be given, but in His time and His way, I testify, His answers will come. For some answers we may have to wait until the hereafter. This may be true for some promises in our patriarchal blessings and for some blessings for family members. Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary."

Quote I made using Photoshop

  I know that in time, when I am ready, the Lord will answer my prayers. When that moment happens, I will know for sure that it is because I waited upon the Lord and trusted His will. I love the gospel and I know that my Redeemer lives.

PATRICIA

Our Clomid Journey

   October 2013, Raphael and I decided to consult an OB-GYN for my PCOS. He prescribed me with a fertility pill called Clomid. If you want to learn more about this drug, visit this link Clomid. He said that the Clomid will help stimulate my follicles to develop and mature so that I will hopefully ovulate.
   My first Clomid cycle started with 50mg. We had to induce my period so I took Provera for 10 days. Three days after I took Provera my period came. Days 5-9 of my period, I took Clomid. Some women said that they have bad side effects when they took Clomid and some women said their cysts ruptured while taking Clomid. In my experience, I didn't have any bad side effects like dizziness, vomitting, or abdominal pain. I was just calm and relaxed while taking it. I went to see my doctor during Day 12 for an ultrasound. The results showed that there was no dominant follicle that is ready for ovulation. The blood test during Day 21 confirmed that I did not ovulate.
  When my OB-GYN called me to say that I did not ovulate, I cried for a moment because I really hope that this was our lucky charm. I was depressed for a little while but my doctor said that the next step is to increase my dosage.
  My second Clomid cycle my dosage was increased to 100mg. I did the same procedure by taking Provera to induce my period and Clomid during days 5-9. When we went for my ultrasound to check on my follicles, we saw one dominant follicle. Raphael was with me during the ultrasound and we were happy to hear there was one dominant follicle. However, day 21 blood test confirmed that I did not ovulate. My OB-GYN called me again to relay the message that I did not ovulate. I cried again for a while and moved on with the next plan which is to increase my dosage for the last time.
   My hopes went down for the next cycle that I believed that I will not ovulate. Third cycle, I was taking Provera to induced my period. I took Clomid 150mg for days 5-9. We went again for an ultrasound and surprisingly there were no mature follicle. I am positive that my blood test will say that I did not ovulate. Day 21 came and I was right --> no ovulation! My OB-GYN talked to me and said he cannot do anything else and he suggested that I see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I cried and cried and felt like everything was falling apart and the idea of having children will be out of our plans.
   My husband was very supportive of me and have been nothing but amazing. I know that he is also in pain deep down but his faith overpowers his fears. I am so grateful that I was blessed with a man like him. He is indeed my perfect match!

(c) Sarah Querido Photography

PATRICIA.

The MUCH Awaited Answers

   This is it everyone! This is the blog post that some people have been waiting for. These are the much awaited answers to your questions. It did took me a lot of courage to write this post and so I am asking you all to bear with me as it is not easy to share with you what we're going through.

   Some of you may ask, "Why write this post?" I get tired of answering and feeling the pain whenever I encounter these questions. Here are some of the questions:

1. Are you pregnant?
2. When are you going to get pregnant?
3. Do you want kids?
4. Are you guys trying? 

   These are just some of the many questions thrown to me all at once. First of all, I am not pregnant. Second, I do not know when I will get pregnant. Third, I badly want kids. Fourth, yes we are trying.

   Pregnancy conversations upsets me or get me depressed. I can never think of ways on how to not cry and feel upset whenever I hear or read that someone is pregnant. I am not upset or sad because I do not want them to be happy but I feel that way because I know that I will have a hard time getting pregnant. 

   Seven months before we got married, I knew that there was something wrong me because my period lasts for more than a month and its getting unbearable that it affects my school and work. I went to the Kahuku Clinic to get an ultrasound on what really was happening to me. Raphael, then my boyfriend, went with me so I won't get that nervous. When I was inside the room, the Doctor checked me and I didn't know what he was thinking but I was praying that he would say that its nothing and that its just irregular period. However, he delievered a bad news for me. He diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS. He mentioned something about gaining weight, not ovulating, and may lead towards Diabetes.

 

 

 

The day that I found out I have PCOS at Kahuku Clinic

   I knew since that day that I will have a hard time getting pregnant. This is what PCOS looks like:

  If you would like to know more about this --> click this link PCOS. With PCOS, I do not ovulate on my own. The follicles in the ovary that should mature to release eggs during ovulation stops developing and are called cysts. Without ovulation, I will never get pregnant.
  After I found out that I had this disease, Rap and I talked about things and it included my current situation. I remembered asking him if he still wants to marry me after we found out that I have this sickness. The last thing that I want to do is to drag people with me in this adversary. Rap answered that he will not leave me and will still marry me. I love him for saying those words as it calmed my grieving heart. 
  We've been married for 1 year 5 months and 6 days. We are still trying and still hoping that the Lord will bless us with a miracle.
  

PATRICIA